The desire to live

In 2018 my girlfriend's mom passed away after a fierce battle with cancer. I was witness to the most horrifying yet most natural processes ever - death.

I met her when she was still in the "healthy-state" - fully functional, working and carrying on with life. Everything was normal except for carrying around the burden of cancer (amount 15kg of extra weight).

She did life normally. She went out for coffee, went on excursions with family/friends, she drove around town, watched her favourite TV shows and even did her job till the very end.

Her death was over in the matter of a weekend. I saw her body weakening with every struggling breath until she took her very last breath in the hospital room - a place she did not want to die in.

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This event stirred something in me. It stirred a desire to not just go through life, but to live life fully.

We all desire to do things. We all hope for something better and greater. This event called death was my final push. It was my sign. My eye opener. My "Hey! Life is short" - moment. Now I've lost people in my life before, often suddenly and gruesomely, but never have I seen someone actually die.

Before I used to hate my job, but still go through the motion. With every bad day (which was often) I would tell myself "That's it. I'm done. I'm quitting.", but never actually follow through with my plan. We all need to still pay the bills don't we?

A couple of months after she passed I was contemplating my life very hard. This isn't what I wanted. I want something better. I NEED something better to make life meaningful. Life isn't just about going to work, coming home and repeating it all the next day until I give my final breath. So I decided there and then to quit my job and seek a better life.

I quit my job and since then I've been living off my savings - doing the occasional work to get an income again. I've been doing online courses, taking impulsive road trips with my girlfriend and job hunting in-between. I didn't give up on life. And yes it was an extremely risky decision. Life's expensive and a good job sure is hard to find. But I've been enjoying every stressful and anxious moment of it. Why? Because I get to do what I love, and that is life.